Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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