I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
