went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
