You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
