How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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