we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
