I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
