I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
