do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's like iHOP with fire
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
