I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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