filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
