Only a mothe r could love this liver
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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