definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
