Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
