HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is Oprah even human
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
