2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
