guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
