Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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