PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
