I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
