Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
