one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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