I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
