If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
