U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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