I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
