Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
