Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
