can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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