I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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