After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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