Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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