meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
