At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
