Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
