Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
