i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize