nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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