I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
