I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
