I think im going to throw up on grandma
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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