i need an iv and a liver transplant
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
