listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
