She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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