Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
