grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
