My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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