Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
