so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
