Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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