the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
