anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
