if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
