obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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