May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
