So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
