dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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