I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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