I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
