Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
