He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
