My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
