if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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