Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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