you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
