i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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