Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
