I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
