my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
