It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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