I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
