I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
