i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
