Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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