$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize