You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
