Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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