So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
