i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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