the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
MIDGETS
????
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
