I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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