ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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