One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
third nipple confirmed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
