I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
