Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize