I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
