a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
