For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
