I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize