He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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