I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
