btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
