its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
