If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
