The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
