So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
