he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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