this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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