He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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