I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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