12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize