both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
