I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
COCAINE IS GR8
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
