Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
