Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
