I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
